New month, new reasons to smile

September 1^st, 2014!

Today is an exciting day! Today is a BEAUTIFUL day (it seems I brought the warm, sunny weather home with me – you’re welcome Wollongong!). I made a big decision today, and while it took me half of a 90-minute class of internal debate to reach this decision, I am so keen to get a start on this new little path.

Since the last couple of days have left me feeling a little out of place here, the decision, in the end, was really quite simple: make a change. Or make some changes! Change as much or as little as necessary to feel new again, to feel excited and motivated and challenged. I reckon it is just about rearranging your life into new routines when things start to feel stiff; it’s about setting new expectations of yourself and your world, and finding brand new sources of inspiration for knowing it is all going to be well & good!

Today, I decided (brace yourselves) … to join a new yoga studio! Menial and insignificant to many of you, sure! But for me, this is a big deal. It’s a big deal because my practice is of the top 3 most favourite things I even do with my life. It’s a big deal because I am still working at the Bikram studio, so I get those classes for free! It’s a big deal because a new studio offers a new vibe and new regulars and new instructors that can always leave even the most experienced of yogis feeling a little bit shy.

But alas, Amy and I ventured to the Younga Yoga Studio this morning and felt instantly welcomed and wonderfully encouraged. They are still longer classes, but they are diverse and rearranged into new routines each week (while Bikram is the exact same orderly 26 poses class after class). Also, they play music! Ed Sheeran & Passenger really caught my attention. What sold me though was the instructors mini handstand workshop mid-class! My personal goal of the last 8 months. And while it took me 5 months to nail the forearm stand with various modifications (including sticking it on a wavy surf!), I am still so determined to be strong enough to hold that balance perfectly. ALSO, if those things didn’t already do it for me, there is a 1-day AcroYoga class offered at the end of this month and that is a dream come true, people. This couple hosting the class travels all over the world to give their workshop and I have only ever wanted to be lifted and bent and twisted by some strong and capable yogi. I am literally setting a countdown on my phone for this event. Lol :)

It is in the littlest things that I will find my happy here again, so so easily. It’s a new shade of pink on my toe nails, it’s the perfect 8tracks outside on this sunshiny balcony. It’s spending 7 Sunday evening hours in the living room with my roommate procrastinating and conversing and watching Sex and the City (like the good ol’ days as 134J sat around our TV room … “studying”). It’s saying yes to a date in Sydney to catch an NRL rugby game this Thursday! And planning a wild girls night out Wednesday. And booking in for my next surf lesson. And phone interviews for renowned tutoring centers! And facetimes from Baby Bo in Myrtle Beach :)

Today feels good. Today feels really, really good. I reckon any day you begin with 90 minutes of yoga & then a bowl of raw oats, almonds, chia seeds & organic honey is bound to do that to you! I’m off now to the Gong’s new outdoor café with Amy & Liz (her book has been absolutely soul-changing, by the way).

Have the happiest of Mondays, ya’ll!

See You Soon's...

…And a lovely few remaining days together as well. Monday was a trek up to the jungle mountain house of our Irish mate’s for a BBQ & beers and then a trip into the town of Lamai. A busy little party town, even for a Monday (this is a holiday island after all). Straight to Shamrock’s for a few of their Shamrock Specials (5 different kinds of alcohol combining to taste like fruit juice… dangerous) & live music! This fantastic Thai band covering everything from Tina Turner to P!nk to Eric Clapton – such a blast. We duck into Woody’s down the street and end up in our own pool tournament (with two local women) until after 1 in the morning.

Tuesday I got to play a familiar role I actually missed: cheerleader for that sports guy who is always apart of some team every single season of the year. It was familiar and happy. It was also really cool to watch a dozen international guys come together with a small handful of local Thai men in a friendly football match. Dinner at Jano’s has become our regular, home to a movie and early bedtime after our previous late night out.

Wednesday came all too quickly. Suddenly it is my final night on the island. (How?) I get to get all dolled up for dinner and a trip into Cheweng for buckets and hookah at Ark Bar before the famous Lady Boy show at Starz Burlesque Theatre. Good conversation + good company with our sweet smoke, and such a neat experience at the show! So many impressive performances, even if we didn’t recognize many of the songs! Worth the attraction though, for sure. So many different dynamics of this culture is what keeps it so intriguing for me. It’s been an awesome few days with those boys, and I already know I’ll be envious of their continued wild experiences to come, even after I’m long gone.

 I am remembering back to August 11^th, those distinct moments I made sure to identify and appreciate: the beginning. Standing, gazing out the back of that speedboat from the Donsak pier to the island. I was so happy to finally be here, to have made it all this way with the full day of travel behind me, and 2 dozen wonderful ones ahead of me. I didn’t know how I would feel about any of it back then (back then which literally feels like ages ago, and at the same time, like it was just yesterday…); I hadn’t felt the island sand under my toes, I hadn’t tasted the different spices and flavours of Thailand, I hadn’t set eyes on him again yet. I knew this night would come, and I knew it would come quickly, but that doesn’t usually make it much easier. I’m not sure I’ll know how I truly feel about this being the end (once more) until I’m en route out of here tomorrow afternoon. God knows I’ll be trying my best to find the positives, to feel the best possible way about leaving.

Thursday, August 28^th

3pm, from Bangkok Airways VIP lounge. Sipping chocolate milk, listening to planes take off directly above me, sheltered from the howling winds & rain of my departure day, reading ‘Miss you<3’ messages already. Sigh. But I have to hold on to this feeling that it is time. That 17 days was the exact right amount of days, and now I am ready to escape this holiday bubble and return to my still newly developing solo, exciting Aussie life. This was the first major travel I ever took where ‘returning home’ wasn’t actually my Canadian home. That feels good though, it makes all of this feel even more real – this life that I have surely established for myself: this life abroad.

But, gosh, where to begin in reflection of my time here…

Thailand was phenomenally good-looking. One of the most aesthetically pleasing environments I have ever spent such a significant amount of time (and I do consider 17 days significant. If it is technically the majority of the month, it deserves to be deemed significant. Never mind all of the other actual reasons it was such a significant time here…) It was the kind of beautiful that you sometimes have to look for, but then completely suddenly, it swallows you whole.

Thailand was feeling foreign and misplaced, which makes it all the more exciting and majestic. It is unknown and uncertain; it is begging to be explored. I suppose I can only speak for Koh Samui and its dear surrounding sister islands, but in 2 and a half short weeks here, I can already recognize the feeling of undiscovered potential. As if any single side street could hold the island’s best green curry soup, or behind any given row of rented bungalows could be the most surreal place to catch the sunrise. Or maybe in some parts of this island, that midnight ocean magic longs to come alive all year round. There is so much more here, more than 17 days allow for uncovering. But the details it revealed to me during my stay here, they were certainly captivating. It’s how I am departing with this tickling, lingering feeling that I might just be back someday, perhaps to this exact island.

Thailand has been recognition; it is acceptance, it is closure. At least for this time being. And it feels so relieving, so liberating to be at peace with that feeling. No matter how long this feeling of willing, compliant conclusion lasts, at least I know it exists. And I may have to search for this feeling, dig deeply down into my soul to retrieve this feeling, especially in the closer days to come, and most likely still many weeks and months down the line, but being present in this here moment fills me full of hope.

It is what it is. Things are the way they are. This is life, and it moves onward, one foot before the other, step after step, day after day, from moment to moment we are here and we are enduring and we are prospering and we are learning to be in the ways which are best for us, here in our current, individual little worlds. Our paths keep on forming, our souls keep on growing, who we are meant to be is in constant development, and for now, we are simply meant to repeat our goodbyes. If it weren’t so, it wouldn’t be. We are here right now to give kisses farewell. To wish good luck and good health and exchange words of love and hope. Because there will always be hope. Hope for the universe opening itself back up to us, giving us the chance to be our best possible versions of ourselves to and for each other. That time is just not this time. And that is okay.

And whether that time even ever comes, cannot be a concern for me. All that I will allow my mind to wrap itself around is this time, this specific moment and nothing further than that. I did such a fantastic job at being completely and entirely present during this most recent of great escapes, and I know that it was a huge factor in making this trip so enjoyable. At times, I was scared that being so present, being so ignorant of all things which would have needed to eventually be sorted (and I suppose still do), was going to make those things that much more impossible to endure. But then I would breath deep, and pull my mind back to only here and now.

Right here and right now, I am happy. I am happy with what I learned this month, I am happy with how I handled that information and those pieces of proof, I am happy with the way things were left. There was no possible alternative. It is what it is, all you can do is choose to accept that; to understand there is no controlling the ways of this world, and to choose happiness through absolutely all of it anyway. There are way too many reasons to still be so happy. And more so, there is so much potential to continue being even happier than I have ever been before. I know this. I believe the best is yet to come. After all, isn’t believing in that an absolute requirement in this life?

 Friday, August 29^th – Touchdown in Sydney

I know I am already just incredibly exhausted. I hardly ever sleep longer than 20 full minutes on a red eye, I am working my regular shifts this weekend which means 22 hours in the next 3 days. Thinking about that makes me exhausted, so I know that has a huge impact on this. But I thought it worth noting that in this moment now, I don’t feel so happy. Suddenly it feels so weird filling out my immigration card as a returning resident, and I’m scared that it won’t actually feel liberating or independent heading back to my ‘home’ here. It sort of just makes me feel lost, or alone. Leaving a boy who always felt like home, and not even returning to my actual home. I think it will be tough, and I am already in anticipation of that fish-out-of-water feeling.

I know in time I will be okay, and I will feel all of the things I already wrote about again soon, but it’s worth noting that it will take time, it will take a hell of a fighting effort, it will take strength and bravery and dedication to that happier life. I’m almost certain I can do this. I only wish I didn’t miss him already. And I wish it weren’t overcast and wet here on platform 4. It’s been raining. It feels like England. That feeling so distinct, creeping through my soul, leaving bits and pieces of uncertainty in its trailing path. It’s going to be okay – of course it’s going to be okay. I will sleep, I will shake this off, I will snap out of it.

While there are no set plans, while there will be no progressive efforts between us, there are also no doubts that we will meet once again, for our next grand adventure. Someday again, as soon as this universe permits.

{Full video here}

SUP, Bob Marley, Infinity Pools, Mountain Climbing, Ocean Magic: My escapades through Thailand continue...

…To soundly sum up my ideal day of adventure (or any given day of a most perfectly-imagined life for myself): it is sun-kissed and well-worn, it is lightly sand-dusted, and soundly sleeping, it is a casual left foot, hanging comfortably (almost lazily) out of this windowless tug boat. Waves gently rolling away from our loudly humming engine (which laces itself with the happy sounds of authentic Thai music, and the occasional crew member's singing voice, though of course this is absent from a still photograph). It is a handful of sailor knots holding an anchor in place close enough to touch, underneath a cotton-ball-puffed sky. Ancient nail rust runs dry down the white windowless frame, layers of fading past voyages, ill-remembered journeys, peeling away to the peeking wood beneath. It is clearly a conclusion; tired limbs & drying swimmers. It feels as it looks: accomplished, fulfilled, sustained - worthy of this brief moment of simple gratitude and recognition. 

Many, many days have passed since my last post. Days filled with some of the most spectacular moments of my abroad life. To my greatest dismay, it would be impossible to chronicle all of them. I will of course attempt to go back and recall my most favourite of hours…

Thursday afternoon is one I will cherish for a long time to come. How entirely enjoyable it was, how perfectly it fit into my list of ‘Things I Want’ that I had complied in my final post before leaving England, and the irony of the fact that I spent this afternoon with a man I met while teaching there in Southampton. Daniel is so lucky to have such a great new connection on the island, a true friend and a wonderful soul that I feel lucky enough having only gotten a few quick hours of him to myself!

It was that stimulating, intellectual conversation that is only bred and born through conversations of fellow travellers. Just to sit and listen to all of the places he has been and all of the things he has seen, experienced, endured, grown through, survived… it was utterly inspiring. In fact, I have never felt more inspired than in those hours to create something real for myself. To uncover someway to perfectly compile all of my own sights and experiences and survival stories, more than just what I do here. It made me want to write something, for real. To really really do it instead of just thinking I will eventually do it someday...

I am so happy he is here, and making the absolute most of what his hard work and dedication back in England has now given him the opportunity to do. I love already knowing how much he is going to adore this life here. I sat and listened in awe of his tales, his opinions, his ideas and his conclusions, hearing so much of my own wandering soul in the words that he spoke. He is somebody I never had the chance to know very well in England, and I am so glad for that. Because coming together on this day, as mere small-world acquaintances, made the significance of our encounter here that much more wonderful to me.

Since this afternoon, I only had a small handful of additional opportunities to spend time with this Irishman, but I am so happy to have gotten to be apart of many wonderful nights that will undoubtedly become routine for those two lads I’m leaving here. I am already envious of all of their future Shamrock Special nights!

Saturday was an awesome start to another incredible weekend – I’d say this one even tops our first! It was early English (ish) breakfast before a couple hours of paddle boarding our home turf beach here. The weather was so fantastic, but the waves were bigger than any I’ve SUP-ed before! It was such a fun challenge trying to stick my poses and chase each other around the surf.

We reward our physical activity efforts with a trip back to Grandfather Rock for more coconut ice cream and then Rock Bar for tall, cold drinks and easy Marley tunes. We share our smoke with two young men from Paris, and two slightly older ones from India; an idyllic gathering of diverse cultures and distances travelled. Those are my most favourite moments in life: being one part of those brief, spontaneous, cross-cultural meetings, sharing casual conversation and sweet island bud with complete strangers who share the same love of international interaction. The most perfect of relaxing afternoons.

And then we had my absolute favourite few hours of this whole trip. We drove up to Gecko Bar in Bo Phut Hills for a completely secluded and private evening of San Miguel and top shelf tequila. How there was no one else there on a Saturday evening, I still can’t understand – while Daniel tried to convince me he’d rented the mansion out for us for the evening, lol, it made much more sense that it was just the universe’s way of giving us one completely quintessential, intimate evening to just ourselves. The view was absolutely stunning, the infinity pool bath-water-warm from the day’s sun, the tequila crisp and refreshing, the satellite radio bumping Coldplay and Taylor Swift and Match Box 20 and just about every other artist that could have made this flawless evening even more unparalleled.

It was the kind of picture-perfect evening that reminded me exactly why I travel. It is in these rare moments of absolute utopia that I recognize travel does what good novelists also do to the life of everyday; placing it like a picture in a frame or a gem in its setting, so that the intrinsic qualities are made more clear. Travel does this with the very stuff that everyday life is made of, giving to it the sharp contour and meaning of art. This bar, this evening, this feeling is a work of art. There is meaning and beauty and significance here in these moments that could only ever be captured internally, but fostered forever. I know that if I am ever in doubt or in need of reassurance or inspiration or explanation for this wild and wandering life I’ve chosen, I will think back to this day, to this evening, to this view, to this boy, to this feeling of absolute certainty.

And just when I thought the day could not get any more stimulating or imaginative, we spent the midnight hours making magic with our fingertips in the ocean, captivating our own minds, enchanting our spirits without explanation for the tiny bolts of actual, twinkling luminosity. Little sparks of reflective bubbles, some sort of electric kinesthetic energy that remains mysterious and mystical, like a secret power exclusive to us. We made that magic and it was ours and it will belong for us to hold in the most sacred of places in our hearts: the parts that still believe.

Sunday was such a classic Daniel/Kelsey day of adventure. It was full of physical activity, exploring the unknown, achieving goals, being the best, getting dirty, drinking beers, taking risks. Doing stuff. And there is no one I better enjoy doing stuff with than that adventure buddy. We were up bright and early to hop a boat to Ang Thong for a full day trip around the National Marine Park (a series of islands with various sights to see, caves to explore and mountains to climb!

And that is just how we started the trip: with a slippery 500 meter climb up to the very top of Ko Wua Talap, through mud and rocks and vines and forest, with only one weather-worn rope to pull ourselves vertically through the brush. And we conquered that thing! Ripped up that mountain in 30 minutes flat, and were the only ones of our whole 80-some-odd-person tour to make it to the top! Felt so good. And the view from the top? Puts practically anything else I’ve ever seen with my own two eyes to shame. That’s something I’ll give this country over any other I’ve been to so far (which is saying a lot because I have seen some incredibly beautiful parts of this world!!): the views. Oh man, the views.

We caught our breath under the beating sun and snapped a few dozen pieces of proof for the glorious accomplishment. That’s the kind of stuff I love. Doing that kind of stuff, stuff that isn’t easy, or even relatively safe! The adrenaline, the uncertainty, the complete faith you have to put into nature and into yourself, in your body strength and your mental endurance. Wiping sweat out of my eyes, covered knee-deep in fresh mud, using muscles only seemingly reserved for adventures such as this… That is my favourite stuff to do. And I know it’s Daniel’s too. We had an absolute blast.

After lunch that was served back on our boat (deserving of a 5-star rating for sure!), we’re scooted around to another island, Ko Paluay, for kayaking. In and around the cluster of islands, under mountain lips and through caves, it is another gorgeous perspective to be able to experience. To see the beauty of this world here from those angles, from almost-eye-level of the ocean, looking up at each island mountain towering above, and looking below to all different colours and shapes of coral (& jelly fish!). I rode mostly shotgun to my handsome captain, taking in the sights in selfies and cannon videos.

Next we’re climbing another mountain to reach the top of the Emerald Lagoon lookout point. The climb is up a series of staircases wonderfully combined into the natural landscape of the karst, threading through a narrow opening in the rock face at one point. Though there are man-made steps to this peek, they are so steep that you must climb them as a ladder, and only hope to not lose your footing! Exhausting, but another entirely worthy view upon arrival. A slow and sweaty decline, seeking shaded refuge and a much-deserved cold Chang.

Soon it is 4pm and we are drained beyond believe, but we are full with content and accomplishment and beautiful new images dancing around our short-term memories. We board our tugboat home. Daniel sleeps and I gaze, out this windowless vessel, reflecting on the various escapades of the day, feeling grateful for these opportunities, and so happy to still have that travel buddy, snoozing here next to me. It is the sandy left foot hanging out of the window frame, it is waves gently rolling, cotton-ball-puffed sky, my ideal day of adventure.

It was a wonderful last weekend here – a perfect final few full days together.