sweat, sunset, smile

January 18^th

7pm, I have been sitting out here on my back deck, trying for the past 10 minutes to capture how beautiful the world before me is. I can not. Nothing at all does it justice. And the way the sky and the reflection on the lake just in front of me has changed so drastically in just those 10 minutes… I can’t believe it took me 10 whole minutes to actually stop trying to put this magnificent view in a frame and just sit here and bask in it.

I remember thinking this exact thought from my first solo south beach sunset 8 whole months ago: How is it possible that I deserve this? That I get to experience this all on my own, for free, with no one else to share or rejoice in it with me. More importantly, HOW do I convey the appropriate gratitude, all of this overwhelming appreciation I feel, with no one else to hear me put that in words? I remember the distinct feeling of selfishness, and unworthiness. I remember it because I feel it now. The written word does not do it justice.

Since looking down to type this paragraph, the sky has turned from deep orange to purple. I didn’t even think those colour sequences were possible. But the clouds are moving quickly overhead, and the lake reveals a light pitter of rain. The crickets are full force, alongside the mozzies. I know it’s time to move inside, an itchy tomorrow me will regret it if I don’t, but it is so hard to tear away from this impossible canvas.

Today was so great! It was my first day of real regional work, and I drove that maintenance buggy truck around smiling and sweating! The Growlers boogied me through 2 hours of weeding (one of the best things to come from that gorgeous boy will be this playlist we constructed on the way to the airport, the 2 dozen artists I instantly love based on his recommendation alone). I spent the day shadowing the maintenance manager and letting him chuckle at me learning to drive the trailer and feed the crazy chickens and maneuver the steep resort dunes in the little electric buggy!

We spent most of the day on the crucial tasks around the resort set aside for storm prep. We’ve got a level 1 cyclone predicted to hit tomorrow, which no one seems too concerned about (and so I am not either!).

I felt so Aussie today. Zooming around these red dirt roads in my little khaki work outfit, sun hat, work boots, already driving the buggy with one hand, carrying a 20lb freshly caught bluebone fish in the other – my dinner tonight J It just felt like good, honest hard work today. I felt the sun and I felt strong and I felt like a solid contributor. I guess maybe that’s how I got to deserve the spectacle tonight? Just being happy and staying positive and not letting any potential off-putters about the next 3 months loom over me when I really am enjoying it so much so far.

I think I can really do this, guys! JJ

Now I just have to figure out what to do about the 7 small frogs that live in my tent toilet…