The Perfect Little Getaway

Monday, December 15^th

I had this dream.

I am walking around the house barefoot;

My toes feel light, soft on the smooth floor.

The world is glowing,

I am floating from one tile to the next.

I am freshly showered;

My skin is still cooling its steam, smelling of lemons. Always lemons.

My insides feel loose, relaxed, satisfied;

Renewed in all raw, natural sensations. There was some magic before this moment.

This house I’m tiptoeing smells warm;

Like eggs and bacon and espresso. 

There is an early sunshine sneaking through the windows, 

waiting patiently to be played in.

I am not alone in this dream;

And he is singing Rodriguez.

I never see his face, but I like to feel he is smiling.

Both arms slip undisturbed around his waist.

I can't seem to open my eyes. but gently each other sense awakens all over again.

We steal a breakfast kiss.

I had this dream.

A dozen different bird sounds bring me back to consciousness, and we exchange our technicoloured reverie for those natural puzzle-piece fits, shifting slightly in sleepy smiles. With soft, silent secrets shared between the sheets comes reluctance to surrender to this brand new day. But we let it come, we let it rustle us back into vitality. Because with experience we know: these will only be more wonderful waking hours.

I hop in the shower; he asks me what I’d like for breakfast.

I lather in lemon, I hear him press play.

Guess I’ll keep my dreams, they’re more than your answers.

You’ll burst at the seams, no I’ll take my chances.

                                                                                ~~

pm,

Driving back from an arvo of waterfalls and warm sunshine. My skin is humming, sun soaked, the drive is bumpy with butterflies. A perfect day of seclusion; cliff jumping, summer baking, silly superficial conversations on the riverbank. Today I looked at him and felt so secure in the thought, I just really like being near.

An evening elevated, increased altitude, natural wonders, literal star-crossed lovers. We watch the bats stream above us, a steady flow of night creatures soaring overhead into the mauves and pinks of our day slipping away. What a good day it was; better than good. And we are left giggling with the house pets, intoxicated by those big, shining solar systems.

Tuesday, December 16^th

I reckon some of the most exhilarating, most worthy seconds of your life come with a little coaxing (preferably from 3 young Aussie studs!). Today I had a whole handful of those seconds, and I really wouldn’t have done any of it without feeling that slight force, that healthy pressure to (sometimes literally) spread your wings and take that leap of faith.

It takes the right kind of people to have that effect on you, to spend a full arvo doing reasonably dangerous things, cliff jumping and rock climbing and slippery stone hopping and wading through rushing waterfall currents… To come out of it with just a few new scrapes and scratches, and a heart still racing with adrenaline from the afternoon sunshine and good company, because you felt genuinely safe the entire way through.

Really though, what is the worst that could happen? It’s only 14 meters of distance from that rushing waterfall pit staring back up at you. Shaky legs, half a bottle of goon in your tummy, the cheers and encouragement from those who went before you, one deep breath, turn off that common sense switch in your mind, and never, ever, hesitate.

I reckon we should live the majority of the moments in our daily lives this way. Quit thinking and jump. How much of a risk could it even be if that Aussie guy you've come to let yourself trust in wild influence without inhibition is just 14 meters down, smiling that smile, knowingly. He knows I'll do it. 

That's why I'm here. That's why we're doing this. 

Wednesday, December 17^th

A picnic in paradise

Big private beach, cold leftover beers.

Our last full day for a little while, spent in sunshine smiles. And despite the minor hiccup interruptions, it’s so nice to just lay here next to him, soft sand in my fingertips, summer seeping into my skin, feeling ultimately grateful and satisfied with the way that things worked out. Things seem to have a way of it, especially for us. It’s easy to stay hopeful that they will just continue to. 

The countdown to January is on… xo

Ask-Believe-Recieve // My most significant anniversary to date

Written December 14^th 

Today is one of those days (as they creep around only every so often) that I am completely consumed by memories. I have no use for the past, and rarely think of it. But today I allow it to surround me, and I have to admit (shamelessly, but consciously), I am using these memories purely for comparison. Today I let myself contrast. Today in this year, in this country, with this guy, in this happy life. One year ago today I was at an airport, in a different country, with a different guy, in a different, unhappy life. One year ago today it was all falling away from me so suddenly. And here I am now, with absolutely everything in my life coming together.

I can’t believe it has been a year. I have been waiting so long to write this post; the weeks creeping up to this significant little anniversary have left me reeling with excitement and anticipation in finding the most perfect words to somehow compare, contrast, and correlate my different selves throughout this past year of my life. It feels as if it ought to be December 31^st already, for this date marked the start of a new year and a new life for me. I can’t believe it’s been a year.

But if you’ll let me reflect properly, when I let myself actually stop and think about what made this new year and new life so spectacular (in fact, my best yet), really only one word comes to mind and it is how I lived every single day of this year, it was something that awoke in me, and became the biggest part of me. It is how I came to meet all of the people I met this year, it is what opened me up to my best experiences and my happiest moments and brought me into my most cherished self, someone I can be proud of. This was my year of gratitude. If there is one underlying notion that I could only hope has been laced throughout each one of these posts, and way back through my 100happydays, and in any of our interactions and accompanying all of my daily decisions and attitudes, it should be how absolutely and entirely grateful I have been and still am for this whole new year of my life.

And I truly believe that karma played a massive part in this year for me. I believe nothing more than if you choose to be happy so deep inside, and if you reflect that happiness and your gratitude for that happiness back out into the world, if you project your positivity forward and all around, those vibes will come back to you and you will get exactly what you deserve, which should be exactly what you asked for. Work hard, be kind.

Ask – Believe – Receive.  

1 exact year ago I asked for something. In some of my lowest days and most desperate hours, I still recognized the gratitude I felt for the dark period of my life that was coming to a close, as I wrote one single, solitary post from England on my last night spent there…

“…I had been trying to figure out what I want from this life. And then how to get it. Because I will always find a way to get what I want. But only if I could first figure out what it is that I want from this life… And this is why I am most grateful for this brief chapter of my life, because if it taught me anything at all, it taught me what I want…” - http://mintcovered.blogspot.com.au/2013/12/in-closing.html
(Saturday, December 14^th 2013)

And so I determined the most crucial things that I wanted out of this life, and I didn’t even realize that this was my personal way of asking the universe to help me receive them. I asked for laughter and intelligent conversation. I asked to feel appreciated, cared for, and thought of. And then, seemingly out of the blue, I stated the one thing I was mysteriously certain I wanted,

“I want to see so much more of this world. I want to live in different cultures. I want to be the foreigner. I want to be the sore thumb; I wore that role so well two summers ago in Italy. I want to use my language and my nationality to make friends and connections and genuine relationships. I want my travel to have meaning, but it does not necessarily need purpose. I want to live in Australia. I want to wake up on a beach and meet the people with sand in their hair and sun on their skin and smiles in their hearts. I want them to make me one of those people…”

All I did was determine what it was that I wanted, and then I spent a year trying to be the happiest, kindest, most grateful person I could be for every single opportunity and experience that came my way and I feel so lucky for all that has come of this year. I still can’t believe most of the things I was lucky enough to come into and be apart of. I asked, I believed, I received my happiest life yet.

And this was not the only major revelation I took from this year. It was my first and only year to date (since I’m fourteen years old) that I remained ‘single’ for the entirety of it. It was something else I set out to achieve, and as silly as it sounds, that’s exactly how I view it: an achievement. I was absolutely spoiled with the people I met this year. And I fell head over heels for a good few of them! But four months ago, I had my next biggest revelation and I unknowingly asked the universe for what I now wanted most,

“…I just feel that I am at a place in my life where I need to be over-stimulated. I have not found any one thing that held my attention much longer than a few dates, or even upwards of a few months. Great guys; smashing Aussie guys and some real winners back home too. There has been nothing disappointing in the company I’ve kept since developing my new life here. But that is because I establish myself in this life, and with all of these people, as the temporary: the fleeting, rambling, unexpectedly leaving girl. The way I see it, I move on perfectly quickly enough to not let these guys disappoint me, or bore me. Or me to disappoint and bore them! I don’t just want a great guy! I think I want a guy in my life so little, that I have created the most impossible version of my ‘next boyfriend.’ On purpose (of course, because why make things easy for myself). He is about a million things, but I can sum him up in one notion: he is inspiring. I need to feel inspired by him.” - http://www.australianmintcovered.blogspot.com.au/2014/08/thaimintcovered-my-3-week-journey-to.html (Sunday, August 10^th 2014)

Part of me can’t even believe those are actually my words, from where I am sitting now. I mean from where I am physically sitting: at a kitchen table, with the sounds of Tallest Man on Earth playing background to our morning, regular breakfast conversation. I suppose to you that doesn’t come across as the million things I knew I wanted out of him, but if you have read any of my previous posts as of late, or if you know me and trust my judgment at all, you will believe me when I say I can certainly sum up this morning, these past months, this whatever-this-is relationship as just that. Inspiring.

I really can’t believe I can sit here and read those words from just four months ago, smiling like an idiot over what the universe delivered to me that fateful, nearly forgotten, brief beach encounter under the stars and around the fire of that joint birthday party. I never could have known.

And what’s funniest is the part I claimed about establishing myself in this life, with all of these people as the temporary: “the fleeting, rambling, unexpectedly leaving girl”. While that sentence still has some natural familiarity, and certainly some truth (I leave for Broome in one month…) I start to consider how strongly I even want to be considered temporary anymore. How easy it is to be fleeting, fluttering in and out of other people’s worlds while yours simply continues to expand and adjust to the constant redesign. It is easy. And parts of it are wonderful. But then part of me starts to just consider it. How nice it might be to not live with impermanence. Maybe someone might start to evaluate me properly; to regard me as something more. More than just a few nice weeks, or one last great month.

You just start to wonder. And then naturally, for me anyway, that wonder has its own instinct to dissipate. And whether that is actually natural or forcefully trained, you just sort of let it happen. Maybe it is just easier not to bother with those thoughts. This is the life I have created, the one I have chosen for myself. I can’t have it both ways. And so I certainly can’t expect it to align with anyone else’s. Once upon a time it almost did, but we all remember how that turned out, one whole year ago.

When it’s meant to be, it will. In the meantime, I adore this. I feel so strongly about it, and I can’t thank the universe enough for allowing me to ask and believe and receive this particular request. To remind me that inspiration can and should be a crucial component in any relationship. And for giving me such a gorgeous example of that.

It’s incredible to think about how easy it really is to get the things that we want out of this life. To be the kind of people we want to be, and to achieve the kind of things we want to achieve. All we have to do is ask. Make goals, work hard, be kind, appreciate absolutely everything that comes into your life, because it is definitely there for a reason. And the rest of it will fall into place properly to bring you those things you asked for.

I am not quite ready to ask for anything more from this life just yet. I have no immediate goals or plans for redesign. I got my happy life. I have laughter and intellectual conversation. I feel appreciated, cared for, and thought of. I am continuously inspired to bring to detailed life these moments that I get to share with this really great guy. I am completely content being here in this life alongside the people with sand in their hair and sun on their skin and smiles in their hearts. I truly have become one of those people, and I couldn’t feel more grateful.

I spent this significant little anniversary of mine pursuing platypi under the bridge at dusk.  

Life is so great. Happy Anniversary, to me.

The final month of my favourite year...

November 30^th
A quiet, rainy Sunday.

In my months here I have kept paper calendars on my desk. Single sheets, one month at a time. At first it was to keep all of my yoga classes in order, to track my progress and challenge my previous week’s goal. Then the sheets became my diary to keep all social events in check; the who’s who and what’s where of my Wollongong dating life. And then slowly it became for the purpose of distinguishing between all 4 jobs I held at one time, my work shifts colour-coordinated by company and income.

There is something so poetic and inspiring in these single calendar sheets themselves; the story they tell of my chronological time here. How I spent my days, where I doodled smiley faces, which life events were X-ed out and why… They have all been folded neatly into the back of my Australian scrapbook. A different, but equally valuable form of documenting my adventures here.

But November will be my hardest month to tuck away. Not to write off December (I can’t even pause to accept the fact that tomorrow is December … how!?), but it sure will be hard to top the month that concludes today. I’m sitting here smiling just looking at the days that have come and gone. And while typically I would feel pure excitement with this brand new, fresh December page staring up blankly at me, I can’t help but already feel a little nostalgic.

It all just happened too quickly.

This was the month I wanted to last…

But how could I ever waste a moment here wishing I could change a single thing about it? It might have been my best month, in my best year to date. I could probably even narrow that month down to a handful of days. How many people can identify their exact best days to date? I am so grateful for that. And grateful for the fact that I have had about a bajillion ‘best days’ in my young so-far life. If I ever even thought I had a reason to be sad for a single moment in my life here, I’d hope one of you would help snap me out of that by any means necessary!

It was just such a good month. 
But maybe it simply set the bar for all of my months to come… 

Sea Souls & Shiny Linda

Goodbye’s too good a word, babe.

What a fantastic few days we had.

Though only a few weeks ago I hadn’t met a single one of these lovely people, I can still say with certainty that this little camping escape held some of my favourite days to date. Five hours south of our Wollongong home, my littlest Linda joined my new mates and me into the windy, stormy wild just outside of Bega. Every moment between the juicy secret-sharing on our road trip down and the tight squeeze with Kim Churchill fast drive home, either made me giggle, threw me into cartwheels, or took my breath away. And between the stimulants of goon etc., I know I won’t be able to share the details that settled deepest into my enraptured consciousness during those days, but I will do my best to outline a few of my most favourite moments…  

That first night will always be my most treasured. Settling into the site, popping our first shiny bag of straight ‘straaalia, tucking closely around that fire. The compelling combination of sweet wine & smoke, the magnetic force of that shotgun system, inhaling/exhaling equal parts charm and illusion. Sharing whole parts of our souls through the deeply indrawn undisclosed; the pull of our own inner fumes, taking deep drags of each other’s essence; being spirited away by the hooch and the happenings.

And soon (hours and hours later), we are stumbling further into the night, into the darkness, down the cliffs, over the rocks, through the sand and the salt and the thrill of some electrifying calling. As if summoned to this supernatural scene, we are submissive, compliant, surrendered to the luminous spell which has become of the sea.

I have written about this before, because I have experienced this before. But before feels nowhere like how this felt here. The first time I experienced this maritime magic, it was on complete accident. It was a midnight skinny dip in the calm, warm rolling ripples surrounding our Thai island. It was pure happenstance, a freak misadventure that left me feeling similarly mystified. But without diminishing that enchanted memory, I will simply say that this felt different.

I can’t put my finger on why or how, but it was something about that pull. We were drawn to it, just as we were drawn to each other. We had no control over the effect it would leave, even if we had seen this show before. So we simply stood, in arms, in awe, in pale comparison to the energy that radiated before us. The waves shooting bolts of incandescence and we are content feeling small and insignificant by contrast. Horizontal lightning, our feet turning neon blue. All we had to do was dip our toes and open our souls and watch the sky in the sea perform for us. We are nothing next to this force of aquatic authority.

And then suddenly (maybe in the other forces of substance playing on my mind) I became aware of the peculiar thought that none of this was real. And I was so stunned by this strange realization that my mind stopped. I was fully conscious, but there were no more thoughts. I felt drawn into what seemed like a vortex of energy; a slow movement at first, and then accelerated. I was gripped by an intense calm and all of my muscles began to numb, relaxing into the other being that stood as one with me in those crashing waves. I let myself fall into that void.

Without any thought, I felt, I knew, that there is infinitely more to life than we realize. That soft luminosity filtering through my eyes and into my soul was love itself. It was my love, for this life. It was my true nature as the ever-present I am: consciousness in its pure state prior to identification with form. As if I had just come into existence. I began to purely understand that ocean force and its universal purpose of cutting through heavy layers of mental resistance, to help us reach that place within us where the truth is recognized when it is felt. And even though what sparked this profound string of thoughts was the questioning of my current reality, there was then a feeling of exaltation and heightened aliveness, as something within me says: “Yes. I know this is true.”  

I have no immediate recollection of what happened just after that.

The next moments I can claim, we were dancing in the sand, flicking blue stardust from our toes, sparks, beads of pure phosphorus, marveling at the beauty and aliveness of it all. The remaining hours of that first night were lived in a state of uninterrupted deep peace and bliss. I felt safe, I felt content, I felt cared for.  

Our second day together brought a light rain and early buzz. That tiny tin shack, the perfect little shelter and amplifier of those soothing summer sounds. In some silly midday merriment I made this note in my mobile, ‘The sound of soft acoustic guitar with beating down tin roof rain... Absolutely nothing, forever, will ever come close.’

I know, there’s something in the rain, calling us, it’s calling us by name.

Later that afternoon I take another timeout to write, “…the rain is still drizzling, the grey is hanging in the air, our tent, our stuff, our lives are soaked. It's so fucking good. I'm looking out over a beach, standing on top of a mini cliff, the rainy waves rolling, not another soul in sight. I'm IN AUSTRALIA. I'm sitting in a tin shack with 5 mates I didn't even know a week ago. I’m 5 hours south of my house. I'm laughing my heart out. I'm so happy. 5 strangers, 5 fantastic souls, swapping all the stories, having all the giggles, skulling all the goon before noon.”

We were rewarded in our easy efforts to make the most of that rainy day with a picture-perfect Tuesday arvo of sunshine and spiced rum and slip and slides. I am still feeling the effects of those sun-kissed hours, but my goodness they brought some laughs. In the evening we kept a close eye on the horizon from up atop that tiny tin roof, letting our minds continue to alter as the daylight disappeared. Passing puffs and strumming chords. For this final night together, we travelled for our fire; a beautiful cave-covered creation fit for the exact number of souls present. And it just felt nice to be close to him, even if maybe this was the last time.

And it’s not lost on me that so few words were shared between the warm flames or the silver bag or the glowing waves or the sweet, shot-gunned smoke. No liquor-lipped loaded guns. No clear indications at all about the what now & what’s next. Only so much potential to leave you with some inevitable wonder: maybe you start questioning what was real in that brief, honeyed chapter of these early summer stories, and what was merely invented, constructed, embellished or full-out fabricated on the canvas of circumstance and intoxication.

It’s easy to wonder. It’s easy to wish for some definite knowledge, some certainty in validity and authenticity. But instead I choose to let it be. And what will come to me in clarity will arrive organically. And in the end it can’t matter either way – whether it’s been made more vivid to me in only my own romantic soul, or whether it was as genuine and absolute as I felt it deep down to be, it simply was. And it was wonderful. And nothing will take away from the rush that these weeks were, and how beautifully these past 4 days concluded it to be.

You acknowledge, you appreciate, you take one last strong inhale of those deep campfire scents imbedding each fabric of your world, and you have faith it will all happen the way it’s meant to.  

Our drive home inspired one last cellphone sentence, ‘It's noon on a Wednesday. My eyes are closed tucked tightly into the back seat of a fast car playing slow Dr. Dog ... It's noon on a Wednesday. This fact still feels irrelevant, but I know soon it will need to mean something. It's just that we've lost all sense of time these days. Not that 4 days is nearly long enough to lose track of whole waking hours... But somehow we seemed to. We got absolutely lost in them, and now coming out, coming to, coming clean seems weird & foreign.’

And I’ll remember that last long embrace, thinking to myself that even the most beautiful experiences come and go. But more fundamental, perhaps, than any experience I’ve had during this early summer fling is the undercurrent of hope and beauty that will likely never leave me. And already I can tell that at times it might be very strong, almost palpable, and others will feel it too. And then sometimes, it will just be somewhere in the background; underlying, echoing, like a distant melody…

So I’ll just say, fare thee well.

{Video Documentation of the Trip}